.........................Knotty Rhonda RN

Maybe it'll stick.... http://www.knottyrhonda.blogspot.com 

 

We'll see... 

Conway Twitty?  Square country? 

 

Just buggin ya my boy.

 

We now have a fish tank.  That's moderately exciting!  We also put a harness on our Beagle.  She's a dream to walk with the harness, far more maneuverable.

 

We went to Karla's wedding on Friday.  It was nice to see her, we kinda felt a little out of place (even among our friends).  I think if we hung out with Karla and Korey without all of the other people we'd have a bit of fun.  Weddings are no place to sit and have a conversation with the bride and groom.  You just can't portray more than your good wishes with that many people to visit.  I'm kind of scared about that.   But I suppose it depends on who I'm visiting with..... 

 

I could use a distraction:  Conway Twitty!

 

Anyway... I was gonna blog about how I'm really not looking forward to being a center of attention.  I have been sitting down and doing a lot of internet searching about weddings, planning of weddings, and how each wedding can be "different" and "unique".  They are each unique and different!!  Then there's this tradition thing... like who gives what gift to who.... who buys what, who's role it is to do a certain thing at a certain time... I think we've already pretty much made it clear it's all about a wedding that's going to last about half an hour.  We're spending money for our friends and family rather than each other, and getting a gift in return from some of them.  Everyone wants to know what to buy us... we're really already a seft sustaining couple.  Our main concern is just to please our parents and celebrate a bit.  Really, I feel like getting married in a 5 minute ceremony and having a beer or six afterwards.  We were talking last night about how our whole day is going to be spent apart other than pictures and our vows.  The rest of the weekend we're going to be too busy to really spend time to eachother.  The only alone time is destined to be right after the wedding reception when we're exhausted.  A woman isn't going to be a sexual deviant after she's had a few drinks and been the center of attention all day.

 

Sorry about that haha.  Didn't mean to divulge my sex life.  It's true though... a woman is given sexy lingerie for the night of the wedding but after a night of eating cake and dancing who wants to put on an outfit that's gonna end up being ripped of in 5 minutes and thrown onto the ground, only to be snoring 20 minutes later.  I don't know... just seems like a bit of a mystery to me.  But, we're having a "different" wedding so maybe that part will be different too.

 

Well I should get back to resting.  My back is really bothering me today, it's been a while since I was in pain like this.  Scares me a little.

 

 

  Wow, tumbling bridges, Paris sings in a musical, the air conditioner is "working"... all sorts of things.  I think my testicles are starting to descend.  Whoa... back up a bit.  Sorry to disturb all of you with that.  Being a bit of an eco-feminist these days I sure wouldn't want to tip the scales with testicles (or saying that "growing a set" is a means to making things right in my world).  But really, I think things are finally starting to develop.  Not to say in a few weeks I won't jump back into my old habits of skulking in the corner whenever my ego is bruised.  I guess all of these psychiatrist appointments are starting to help.  Let me elaborate on that... because of my WCB claim and my injury, I see two psychiatrists in my rehab program.  They are both nice gentlemen, and we have elaborate conversations about psychiatry in general and in my quest for a new job and marriage and such.  We talk about my mixed up family.  Really, nobody says "you should do this" as much as they just let me talk and put my current "life" into perspective. 

 

Anyway, if I must divulge what I will do with these newfound testicles... I guess my creative juices are flowing again, I'm thinking more about music and lyrics and poetry and story telling.  I'm also formulating a response to several possible outcomes at work (I'm just WAITING for the moment when a particular charge nurse or other nurse decides to pick my open wounds).  Perhaps I will use a box-kicking technique, or perhaps I will lash them with my burning tongue.  Either way, I'm going to put aside the passive-agressive Rhonda and just be forthcoming with how I feel and that I want the behaviour to end NOW.  It should be a pleasant change from my usual bargaining or denial.

 

So I suppose time is running out... gotta go to physio and get my day on the road.  I'm going to dress sexily this evening and attend my friend Karla's post-wedding reception.  Should be okay, a nice visit perhaps will be good for me.  Jeremy is going to join me (I'm sure it's not how he would like to spend his "Thursday" evening.... but a girl's gotta show off her fiance once in a while).  It's funny I should even worry about something like that, but I think I've had my share of boyfriend's that my friend's from Moose Jaw or from Regina for that matter had never met.  I'd also like to think that I've hung out with a lot of his friends lately too.  Not that I keep score... maybe I just want to bask in the glow of a newly engaged and soon to be married woman with a handsome lad on her arm (rather than just bragging about this great guy at home).  There's also part of me who would rather just skip it all too... I don't enjoy dressing up (self concious) and I'm just as exhausted today as I should be after working a regular 12 hour shift.  My back hurts... my feet are swollen and sore.  I'm sure I need to have another shower.  Plus I still haven't bought them a gift (oops). 

 

So that's the deal today... hope all is well with everyone out there in blogosphere.

Besides sitting here and watching the Pussycat Dolls reluctantly (it's Tai's favorite show now apparently), I guess I've been pretty busy.  Lots of camping, a festival, back to work, daily physio and finding my lost dog.... it's been a long few weeks, I'm glad this summer is half over but I also feel like I haven't accomplished nearly what I had planned to (in terms of wedding planning.... unpacking/packing... looking for a place to live).  Anyway, the wedding is a month and a half away and I think things are going to start coming together at break neck speed.

 

Ness Creek this year was incredible!  I didn't take a lot of pictures on account that they would never do any justice to how it is.  You just need to go there.... it's near Big River.  I would love to paint a picture with words.... I still don't think they'd do justice.  It's the most beautiful place in my heart.  The music, the food, the people, and experience, the sky, the drugs, the camping... it's really not fair to sit here and write about Ness this year. 

 

Several things were different.  I ended up doing an endless first aid shift because there was no coverage in the evenings.  I am now somewhat unofficially the First Aid Coordinator for next year's festival.  I'm looking forward to it being a funner festival next year based on the fact that I should be able to enjoy a few hours or more without being on duty.  I picked up several drunk and stoned people, witnessed a guy an hour after a ketamine trip fall onto his back and head and half an hour later disappear from his pass out point.  I had a guy ask me for a clean needle so his buddy could inject himself with something (I didn't have one to give).  Seen a lot of burns, wasp stings, people with allergies looking for meds... I think my job would have been a hundred times simpler if people would have been able to buy drug store types of things.  From maxi pads to tylenol to allergy medication.  You would think people coming up north into wilderness would come prepared.  But the reality.... people jump into their car with their drum, sleeping bag, tent, and some money and food and come to the festival. 

 

My friends from last year all failed to make it out again this year.  I ended up calling an acquaintance from Tai's school/my dress maker for the wedding to see if I could camp with them.  It turned out to be a really great idea.  Ideally I just needed someone to tell the world how I died if a bear ate me (especially that I looked beautiful while it happened, hahaha).  Unfortunately, my friend broke her ankle and her husband was stung by a wasp and ended their fun weekend in the ER.  Luckily I made it home with a lot of extra beer/money/food and not enough sleep.  I met Jeremy in Watrous to camp on the Sunday and ended up falling asleep before dark.  It was a wondiferous sleep though.... the perfect end to a good weekend.  We had a swim at the spa there.  Not the best swim of my life, but I think it burned off my mosquito bites.

 

Got back to work last week.  I'm still having back pain and discomfort but it's starting to settle down.  My physiotherapist tells me I've made some huge progress.  I've been having IMS therapy (kinda like acupuncture) and it's coming to an end soon.  Perhaps in a few weeks I'll be able to just continue on with work and a little less physio.

 

So I've got a few weeks between Regina Folk Festival, my wedding shower (August 11), and Field Festival... will hopefully get things going on this house purchasing venture.

 

Anyway, time to log off and cool off... miss you.... 

I'm grumpy.  Three days now of working with a particular staff person who's just had a complete grump on for me.  First of all, I was wrong in that I took holidays and volunteered as a First Aid'er.  Apparently this staff person says "no, you can't do that."  Well, I ALREADY DID. (Ness was INCREDIBLE... stay tuned, I'll eventually sit down and blog it).  Yesterday she'd interrupt every conversation I was having, today just being down right upity.

 

So, UP YOURS mystery staff person.

 

There... that felt a little bit better.

 

It does kind of suck... I have been living in my world of Cathedral where people are somewhat friendly (even the dog napper is a nice person sometimes I'm sure) and then I go to the hospital and encounter my co workers.  You'd think nurturing women would be nicer to each other.... but they aren't.

 

Anyway....

 

Later. 

Not one day has passed when I haven't thought about, talked about, or wished I was in my northern paradise.  I think we all have our own happy place, a place where we're safe and happy and accepted.  I think Ness was there for me at a time when I really wasn't sure what I was doing or where I was going - all I knew was a change was coming.

 

We all need and deserve some time to reflect on life in a safe place.  Only then will true reflection take place.  I think that this is one place in the world where I can truly reflect on the past year and make some mental head space for this coming year.  I think it's going to be a far better year.  Every day I feel like I've rediscovered myself a little more than the last.  Every day a little bit of that anger backs off and I begin to heal.  I think it's possible to heal and to be able to trust again... rather than saying "why.." I'm saying "whatever...".  The passive aggressive me is starting to question the people around me who are pushing me down.  I realize I have some personal power. 

 

Anyway, here's to a good, and solitary vacation.  Here's to life, here's to love, and here's to happi-NESS.

 

 

Shadow Hendrix went missing from our yard sometime between 8:00 am and 8:30 am.  His leash is still on the line and his collar is nowhere to be seen, so he may have been let loose.  Here is a picture.  I will offer a reward of $300 for his safe return.

 

 

So I find myself getting back into the wet world of "aquatics" every summer.   I put quotes up because really, I have a complete distaste of getting into a swimming pool.  After ten years of teaching, lifeguarding, and speed swimming I really have no desire to willingly get into a swimming pool and work.  I enjoy leisure opportunities, I enjoy the exercise aspect... but I don't have much of a desire to become an aquatic being day to day.  The nursing degree helps... I don't have to enter the pool workforce again.  But I am still volunteering for the Lifesaving Society for tireless hours just to make the life of aquatics in Saskatchewan that much more "rhonda".  Hahaha..... and pass on some knowledge and skills to the younger generation that may help them in real life.

 

I did my volunteer hours today.  Got home to a message that I am returning to work tomorrow afternoon.  I won't be physically working tomorrow afternoon, but I will be configuring my "return to work" process.  Am I looking forward to it?  Definately not.  More because of the fact that I've had to be in rehab/physio/turmoil for the past six months and I get constant barragement with people's opinions/commentary on WCB, the unit I work on, yada yada.  In  my own humble opinion, I think it's great that work is beginning again.  I don't like the unit I'm working on (big news there) but it's the whole picture and not so much blaming anyone or anything specifically.  In terms of WCB, they don't communicate very well or very timely, but I can't complain about my free trip to Calgary for the MRI.  From their end of things, they are really just a file/paper system anyway.  Physio has been nothing but a joy to go to every day, except for yesterday when my therapist put a 40 gauge needle into my ass and it hurt like you know what.  I've had a few weeks of summer to "enjoy".  Life isn't all that bad, minus the back pain/leg pain/foot pain.

 

Ness Creek is now officially one week away.  I'm uber excited, very excited, ecstatic!!  Jeremy won't be coming with me, which makes me entirely sad.  I will most definately be taking a zillion pictures, or possibly more, and finding a way to document the process.  Nothing really can say Ness tho like the soft dirt squishing between your toes, the tarp forest, and the yummy smells.  Also the music, the food, and the sand at the beach.  Next year... I say... more people need to come!

 

Anyhooo... back to work I guess.

 

Rhonda

 

Went to the Sask Blog meet today.  I hear it happens in the summer before a certain football game.  Sounded like it was entertaining last year, with juggling and all... so we packed up the whole fam damily and went to the blog meet'n. 

 

Apparently the press was there shortly before we arrived.  I found it interesting that the press hadn't done any pre-article research about what the group composed of.  Or, at least not as extensive.  If he/she is reading this blog, I'd kinding appreciate the acknowledgement that our community includes craptastic bloggers like myself. 

 

Also I had wanted to get into the discussion about politics.  There was the discussion about a new trade unionist party forming off of the possibility of the crash of the NDP.  I think that a very viable option that the province may be facing is the Green Party forming provincially.  My only qualm is that they've been a one-issue party federally and even though there is "clearly" more to the Greens than the environment... anyway, we all know I am an acquaintance of the premier (which shows my vote).  But I've always been more of a fan of the leftist policies of the NDP and less of a fan of the closer to center group.  They do exist, but when Rhonda does something, she does it HARD CORE. 

 

other than that, really didn't participate much today in anything else exciting.  Unless you include the popcorn toss with the dogs and finishing my movie "Gia" that I purchased at Best Buy.  She was a crack addict model, played by Angelina Jolie.  Definately a good show and a good performance by Jolie. 

 

 

Also, I bought some more Pic-a-pop.

 

The End.

 

If there ever was a week in time when I would willingly join a nudist colony, this would be the one.  I was pretty tempted to wear a bikini everywhere I went yesterday.  My body is horribly full of fluid on top of the usual slight jiggle, so it wouldn't have been pretty.  I really didn't care.  I ended up wearing my bra straps showing and wore a t-shirt dress.  The only place I went was to Canadian Tire to get some fans.  I expected it to be a nice and cool in the store while I shopped for fans.  But, it was no better than outside.  Anyway, the fans made very little difference in our house.  I apologize to those who had to witness me in my skivies late last night.

 

Been watching Live Earth.  With Tai here, I'm trying to watch it between u-gi-oh and every other cartoon.  We're taking turns.  For some reason, she's sitting here watching Ludacris with no opposition.  Her favorite performance was KT Unstall, who sings the "no-no" song.  She also liked BEP this morning.

 

Went for another round o' bacon and eggs this morning with my friend who was recently heart broken by a girl who's been leading him around by the weiner.  I have to say, us women are not very pleasant creatures to be around.  All I have to say is if a girl you like is dating someone else and she still is with the same guy she was with five months previous... and she still hasn't dumped him to date you... I've been lead on for almost a year by a certain individual (in the early days of this blog) and eventually I came to the realization it wasn't ever going to turn into a relationship.  It hurt, but life went on and I've decided to put that time of my life where it belongs... down the toilet that is blogging and in the part of my heart that turns into relationship scar tissue.  Anyway... if there are any available women who read this between the ages of 25 and 35 who enjoy swimming, hiking, discussing politics, chain maille, and freaky things... have I got a dude for you.

 

Going to hang out with gramma Pilon tonight in Weyburn.  The more weather warnings pop up, the less inclined I am to travel to the south east... But we'll see. 

 

Later!

 

r

so my hubby to be started blogging again.  I feel like a tit, being the unblogger of the family and quite frankly a facebook addict.  I can honestly say i've quit smoking and gone to facebook for my four-five times per day of addicted bliss.

 

I've done all I can do on facebook tho.  Almost all of my lifetime acquaintances have been added, minus a few ex boyfriends (I've even added some who i really could care less about talking to).  My social circle is quite broad, and has many seperate spirals... I had less school friends as I got older because I hung out with my swimming friends.  When all of us quit swimming (eventually I went back to the Fins and swam as a senior with a bunch of kids much younger than me), I went back to my school peers and made a few friends that way.  When I went to university and my peer group stayed in Moose Jaw, I met some people through other things.  And so on.  So the network has developed and changed.

 

The wedding hall is booked.  Now I'm thinking about how to decorate.  Discovered I'll need to tye dye more tablecloths.  Working on centerpieces.... ahh I wish I wasn't in such ignorant bliss that there is tons of time left for everything.  Still have to get my mix/food arranged, figure out if my dad is still taking part in all of this... kind of frustrating.

 

Anyhoo.... seeing that it's so hot, and every attempt I make at cleaning up makes me sweaty in my already sweltering house... and being that this laptop is also warm... sigh...

 

Things on the horizon?  Ness Creek is coming.  Once again I will be headed up without my love.  Only this love is far more understanding than the last, as I am completely aware that I might be a band widow now and again.  That and my soul is there... I gotta go back and reclaim it - even if it physically is still on a napkin somewhere. 

 

Later.

In light of my facination with facebook, I've obvioulsy been neglecting this blog and my other blog religiously.  That and I really have no inclination to be on facebook or for that matter even really on the interweb.  I enjoy random surfing and then shutting the lap top.  My days have been fairly long lately.  I get up, go to physio by 8:30/9 and then get home mid afternoon.  Usually stuff my face, do some laundry, or have a nap.  Then my beloved is home, and we go and pick up the other beloved, make supper, and promptly end up sleeping at some point.  It's a normal existence.  Some days we have a bit of variation. Yesterday I had a beer at the Freehouse and lunch with Matt, supper with Jeremy's mom and sister, and then visited Rob n Kat for a bit.  Then Matt came over for some guitar and we watched some movie called Chronos.  Then I fell asleep.  Then I woke up and found the dogs had pooped all over the bedroom.  Life.

 

Basically I've just been living life, being ordinary.  Shockingly enough, it's all I really can say.

 

My MRI was done on Friday.  Flew to Calgary and back in one day.  If you haven't heard the story, it basically consists of me craving a cigarette after getting off the plane, borrowing a lighter from a dude at the airport who was also from the Skatch and there for a procedure.  I hung out with the said dude for a few hours (we got some C-train time in, got off to drink some beer, then back on to go to MEC).  Dude took off, so I went back to my quest to ride the C-train back to my original place at the Chinook to buy Jeremy a father's day gift.  Figured out I was late if I didn't get a cab.  Hailed a crazy cabbie, went to airport, drank some more, flew home.  Wow.... a busy day, and I was tired all weekend.  When to Rob n Kat's on Saturday night for a mad mad tea party.  I was mad mad, drank myself sober i think.  At least, I felt pretty good.  Went to Regina Beach on Sunday with Tai and the boy... had a great time and some good fish n chips. 

 

So yeah... life at physio.  And I may have gotten a new job... will be part time to start, but I'm not terribly worried.  Might be nice to just relax for a few weeks, get trained, and then look for another part time that compliments it (maybe another part time or casual in the same job).  I'm still sore.

 

Family crap has been stressing me lately.  I have been thoroughly convinced that I have lost my dad in my life.  I won't get into specifics, but I'm pretty sure that part of my life is nearing a bitter end.  I'm getting to an end, really not worth pursuing a relationship with my step family (they are too good for me, both in my mind and theirs).  My gramma is nearing psychosis I think.  The late night phone call to tell me some pretty horrible things... basically she thinks I'm a meth addict.  Couldn't be further from the truth, but hey... she wants to think something, I'm not going to change the mind of a psychotic woman.

 

Anyway... I should get moving.  I am pretty ouch ouch today, physio came to a bit of a grinding halt today.  That's alright.  My quads are huge.

 

Later.

Going to my MRI on Friday, in Calgary.  I'll freely open a debate as to why I am being flown to Calgary when there is a perfectly functional MRI machine located blocks from me.  I can only imagine that the wait for the MRI will certainly outlive my injury, or it may not.  Who knows.  Anyway, I will be flying WestJet.

 

Jeremy has officially moved in!!  It's great, we can now play scrabble in person (although I still prefer the online version on scrabulous.com so I can enter words and have them rejected rather than being laughed at by my opponent.  No, PTME is not a word.  As many times as I would like to spell stupid things...).  Anyway...

 

I was in physio today sitting on the inferential machine (basically like a gigantic TENS only better I think) and listening to the old iPod.  A Ben Harper song came on (I know you're not surprised).  Anyway, it doesn't apply to anything today.  But I listened to the song when I was in a time of need and I never recall actually listening to the lyrics.  Today... I did.  I don't know why.  Maybe I was open to the suggestion today.

 

 Don't do me any favors
matter of fact why don't you
do yourself a few
your presence ain't nobody's blessing
I've got plenty of other things
I could do

oh no, not another excuse
your tired silly games
for me are just no use

and now it's plain for me to see
you're with somebody
that you don't want to be

so won't you
please please me like you want to
not like you have to
or won't you just go on and leave me
leaving me is the least that you could do

you could have spared me
so much misery
and told me you just wanted
a friend

believe me there is a difference
when you mean it
and when you pretend

or was I just your habit
cause I know a habit
is a hard thing to break

but won't you spare me
a little mercy
there's only so much
that I can take

so won't you
please please me like you want to
not like you have to
or won't you just go on and leave me
leaving me is the least that you could do

One last quick blog post.... bad labour conditions AND no union = don't shop there.  I like their jeans, they actually fit me. 

 

Anyhoo.. bye!

Well my new journey in physio therapy has officially begun.  Went to my new "home" for the next eight weeks.  It was kind of strange leaving my old physio adventure - mainly because I finally got into a good exercise therapist regiment with someone who was willing to do functional therapy with me.  It was about time... but about two months too late.  Even though the physio wasn't doing much for me, I will miss seeing the familiar faces there.  I did notice the extremely high turn over in faces, but there were a few old faithfuls that I joked around with while waiting to use the treadmill or waiting for the physio.  I also took a lot of joking guff over my iPod, as the physio thought it was the end of civilization and activity among youth.  His whole thing was "so, did you stay home this weekend to play with your iPod?"  I thought it was funny initially, then I started to notice how many people actually function with their iPod in one ear and doing everything else with the other. 

 

Anyway, my new regiment is going to be around four to six hours of exercise a day.  Not to say that nursing isn't already like that.  It's short bursts of energy though... and the afternoons can be slack (sometimes).  My mom told me that it's going to be perfect for my wedding, I'll look "buff".  Sure, I'll be in some kind of shape.  I also have mandatory time with a psychologist, actually with two of them (one is more goal orientated).  Thats going to be something that will take some time getting used to.  I know I have issues, as long readers of this blog will certainly identify with.  It's been a long couple of years with a lot of tragic or emotional heartbreak things happening day after day.  Nobody can say they come out of life unscared or without having experienced anything.  I think I've learned many of lifes little lessons in my day from an abusive ex or two to family foibles.  In the end, I think everything works itself out.  If nothing else I've bounced a lot further forward emotionally than I have physically.  But it's no wonder my body has relented and told me I was weak.  I really put myself through sendentary days after I moved back to Regina.  My whole thing about moving back was that I could be more active more often.  But it didn't really happen when it should have.  I let myself go. 

 

One of my required lessons is a bunch of classes that I have to go to while in this physio.  It's supposed to teach you and refresh you about safety in the workplace... I have to wonder if WCB requires clients to go through programs at each tertiary level to teach clients not to do things.  I think it's a good thing for some people, perhaps I need my own reminder about holding my abs tight while lifting, or using my legs more.  I wish there was also classes that supervisors have to go through in learning how to prevent workplace injury - things like having the proper amount of staff on hand or actually enforcing OHS standards to the T - rather than making you read over a code brown procedure or reading a job safety evaluation.  I think the education should be ongoing as much in the workplace as it is in the rehabilitation.  Again, I play kind of a blame game, or a rationalization of sorts... it is what I do best.  I think I've taken the brunt of my decision not to grab the mechanical lift when I wake up day to day and not know whether or not I'll ever be able to do a physical job again.

 

There is definately an injury... I will be going for an acupuncture or sorts.  It involves needles, 24 gague I hear.  I'm a little afraid - pins have never purposely poked through my skin (other than the few IV's I've had in my life).  Not fair, I say.  But, I'm willing to try anything to get rid of the pain.

 

Winnipeg on Friday!!  I'm excited.  Job interview Thursday... and then it all begins I suppose.

 

Cool... everything is kind of coming together a bit more.  I at least know my destiny for the next 8 weeks to 10 weeks.

 

Going to see Knocked Up tonight with Matt.  It'll be good to get the latest work gossip and see how uncomplicated things have been with my male bridesmaid.

 

Ciao.

I had a fun weekend I suppose.  Had a bit of anxiety about going to the Linger show, but it all turned out alright.  Had a scrabble night that turned into a beer and guitar night (Saturday).  Went to Moose Jaw on Sunday and helped my grandma get rid of some junk/stuff.  We got a really nice turn table/tape player that is in great shape.  And a bunch of LP's that made Jeremy drool. 

 

After next weekend, I'll officially have a house husband.  Or rather, a to-be husband.  I'm rather excited this time.  I hope we eventually find a home for his stuff and my stuff.  I seem to have  enough bad past experiences to draw upon with having a male partner living with me.  This time will be different I'm sure.  This time it feels like a partnership.  Although I'll have to get my butt off the couch and start making more room for Jeremy.

 

Going to Winnipeg this weekend.  I bought part of the wedding gift for Holly/Blaine.  Tai has done her part of the gift.  I think there might be more, but I'm not too sure. 

 

I wanted to go back and talk a little bit about facebook.  It's slightly addicting (I know I check mine as often as I check my email).  I can't remember anything being as addicting as this.  Although, I did go through a lot of MySpace at first looking for bands and listening to some great tunes.  I still go onto MySpace now and again, but I get those technical errors far too often for my liking, especially after posting blogs or comments or just adding friends.  But as an application, I guess facebook is really something.  I connected with a lot of my old friends, the oldest friend would be Leanne who was my childhood best friend until we went to different high schools.  She's in Texas.  But it's not like we kept in touch in the first place.  Facebook enables you to keep in touch with people somehow.  I mean, I could have just as easily did a search on msn or the interweb itself to look for people.  If they truly are reachable over the net, google usually finds one or two things.  But this is completely different. 

 

It's kind of like tobacco.  But I'm really not getting a whole lotta payback.  It's not like these friends are calling me up and meeting me for a beer (well... at least not yet).  It's more or less just "hey, what's happened to you in the past ten years" than anything.  I think it's definately stolen the thunder of the blogosphere.  I'd still rather read blogs (as I do) than look at my friend's friend list or pictures of their last drunk fest.  Although, there is nothing essentially wrong with that either.

 

It's hard to explain.  I feel like I want to get off of the facebook wave, but at the same time, I wonder who's asking me to be their friend?  What is my ex boyfriend from grade nine up to now?  Did that girl from nursing school ever..... and so on.

 

Anyway, I'm gonna play some scrabble.  Since I am in pain tonight, I've been lounging (as usual) with hourly "get up and move around" breaks.  Pretty sad.  But it's the best I can do.

 

Job interview on Thursday with public health!!  Who hooo!!

My recent public health interview reminded me that I should have attended more community nursing classes.  Although, I have seen the results of the determinants of health quite personally and professionally.  Read this and see why I'm blogging. 

 

Determinants of health are basically just the things that make people either have or not have health.  They include things like gender, race, income, education, genetics, culture, coping skills, child development, access to health services, social environments, and child development.  Basically you can look at what makes you up and it determines what kind of health you're going to be in.  I look at my own life and I have been predisposed and vulnerable at many times.  When I was in school I avoided the eye doctor, the dentist, and taking any medication that costed any kind of money.  Tai is predisposed because we were struggling for the first year.  Not to say that my middle class upbringing prevented an early pregnancy... but at least Tai was born relatively healthy.

 

Matt just got back from Indonesia.  We had a lengthy discussion about what health care services there entailed... basically it was focused on immunization.  When people got sick, they died.  It wasn't a huge rush to the hospital, a massive amount of medications and drug trials.  They just accepted that life was over.  But they didn't have the lifestyle related diseases that we do here.  Not to say that there isn't alcoholism all over the world or drug addiction or poor nutrition. 

 

It's so obvious that there are barriers to health care and access all over the core of Regina.  Most of the health clinics are in the higher income areas of the city.  You don't wander around North central Regina and see a health clinic next to the KFC.  Core areas are so close to the hospitals.. it reminds people that they can just go there if they need anything (not to say that the rich don't wander into emerg with their child with a sore throat or bump on the knee). 

 

For me, I spend my time looking at what people are going to be able to do on discharge.  At my current job, I know that many of our poor clients are going to go home and return to their unhealthy state very quickly.  Uncontrolled diabetes isn't uncommon when you don't have access to affordable transportation or healthy foods.

 

Anyway... this is why the Ottawa Charter and all of the other WHO objectives are reached.  The goal is not to "fix" healthcare and add another MRI machine or hire more doctors.  Although our general population sees things in the media like "I had to wait ten weeks to get my emergent surgery" or "my child was misdiagnosed because of our poor hospitals".  We are bombarded with donating to childrens hospitals on an almost daily basis (I'm not saying we don't need one.... I'm just saying we here the message that our hospitals currently aren't up to snuff).  The first line of offense is always a good defense.  We need to look at how we are living our lives before we land ourselves admitted to emergency. 

 

Building public policy is one of those.  A good example is the smoking rate and all of the work that has been done to promote quitting smoking.  So much time and effort gets poured into that program, and there are quite obvious results.  Yet you look at all of the wealth thats around... I see it all of the time in Cathedral, the yippy philosophy of having opulence (BMW's) while having social conscience.  There's tonnes of wealth and consumation, yet just next door there might be a struggling family with overwhelming social problems.  It's even worse in the newer developments of the city.  Ever wandered over to Wascana View?  Gag me... if there was ever an arguement for communism, it's looking at the amount of waste in those areas compared to the suffering in others.  But I digress.

 

I rememeber a study I was reading about reading and literacy rates.  It said that children in core areas did more reading than those in upper class areas (the study was done in Saskatoon).  What it appeared to be was that the children in the upper class were busy with extra curricular activities and not homework, whereas the kids in the core did their homework because they didn't have the extra curriculars.  Their moms were less busy than upper class moms (who had to drive all over the place, cook meals, clean, and work full time).  It's interesting to see a gap like that.  Sometimes the core does lay it down better than the rich kids.  But we all know this isn't the norm or expected norm.   Although it does sound promising in some ways.

 

Anyway, I was just reading the article and thinking about how I could improve my nursing practice.  We have an evidence based practice (ie, if a study shows that bandaids are bad, we would stop using bandaids).  It's really hard when you work full time shift work to "keep up with the evidence".  I'm off right now... and doing a lot of web searching at random. 

 

I'm hoping to get out of acute care and back into the community focus of nursing for the reasons this article talks about.  I may not see the patient load... but it's all about promoting health to the people who are currently out of the acute care system.  I get a way better feeling from preventing one chlamydia infection or a pregnancy than I do giving someone an IV antibiotic.  It's so easy to become a robot in the hospital.. fix, release, fix, release... I don't think anyone gets any further ahead when they get a tonne of antibioitics and then we stick a catheter up their &*^&* and give them a kidney infection.

 

Thats my take on the article anyway.... so go eat your begetables.

Check this out... on the next block a tragic house fire.  The fire trucks kept us up quite late.  I kinda peaked to make sure it wasn't the house next door or on our street, although there were police cars and fire trucks on our block too.  Apparently people had to jump for their lives... but it looks pretty bad, very very scary.

 

I don't know any of the people living in the houses, but I drove by them every day.  Too sad.  It makes me afraid.  One of my biggest fears (ever since I was a kid) is house fires and what would I do if I couldn't get out of the room.  Anyway, just to recap it's not our block and we're all okay (my mom called me about five times this morning).

 

Later!

I'm watching a documentary on the Golden Gate Bridge in San Francisco... it's about suicide.  I'd highly recommend watching it - a really interesting look at lethality of a suicide threat.  Very few people actually survive the jump.

 

Anyway, an hour ago I was at Eat Healthy Foods getting some organic veggie chili.  Yum yum.  And iced tea, which was most certainly chai iced tea.  Also would recommend it.  I had taken Shadow with me, since it's around the block and a good walk for him.  Got home and realized I had locked myself out of the house.

 

I had no cell phone on me, which isn't typical for me.  I usually have my cell on me at all times.  I also usually bring my large purse.  So again... atypical for me to lock myself out.  Oddly enough it happened to me a few weeks ago and my mom just happened to pop over.  Anyway, I had some coin on me so I decided to find a pay phone and call my mom to come and let me in. 

 

I'm not sure if you follow the news, but the RGC Police want to remove pay phones in the core area, specifically over by the 7-11 on Broad Street.  There was one behind my house on Toronto street too.  Their reasoning is that the pay phones are used for crime purposes more than they are for actual phone calls.

 

Being in that area as long as I was, I did see a whole lot of people using the phones for all kinds of calls I'm sure.  I didn't ever sit and listen to conversations, but I seen people using them as their means of communication to a family member perhaps.  They weren't all the drug dealer tpe.  Who is the drug dealer type anyway?  All kinds of people use drugs for all kinds of reasons... if they want their drugs they are gonna do it whether there is access to a pay phone or not.  What would stop someone from walking an extra few blocks?  There are pay phones all over the hospital too. 

 

If I hadn't been able to use the pay phone I'd have to knock on the doors of my neighbours with my hairy puppy begging to use their phone.  I think thats a lot more inconvienient than me walking down the block and paying a quarter.

 

Even though cell phones are so rampant and widespread, I don't think we've completely escaped a need for pay phones.  I think about walking through campus at U of R or SIAST late at night and how I'd like to have a means to call if I was being approached.  It's not just for calling your mom, think of the safety...

 

Anyway, RGC we still need payphones.  Cuz I'm a dumbass and might lock myself out again. 

 

On another note, my back is pretty tight.  I'm pretty lonely.  At least me belly is full.

To quote Bob Marley "Everywhere is waarrr".

 

So I got a rude call this morning.  I was supposed to be at work.  My printed off schedule said that I was off today and worked Tuesday and Wednesday and then Friday-Sat-Sun.  But get this... I am apparently supposed to notice that the schedule was wrong and I am responsible for phoning to check on it.  The last few nights I had worked I made it my duty to check the scheduling book to make sure things were copasthetic... but the book was locked in the manager's office.  So how am I supposed to know that the schedule I had was wrong?  I work on a relief line, so sometimes it's not a typical schedule for either line.  I just figured that because I had booked time off the weekend following that my schedule had been altered.  But again, it was a rude response to something that isn't my mistake.  I don't get it.  I'm damned if I do, damned if I don't. 

 

It didn't much matter, because I've been pulled off of work anyway.  I'm supposed to do a four hour work day with four hours of active rehab following, which will last for 8 weeks. 

 

The limbo is really bothering me.  I'd like to be working... life needs to return to whatever normal is.  I've been in this flux for so long that I don't know how to handle things.  I really don't know what kinds of things I should be doing or shouldn't be.  Things went okay when I worked nights the last three.  I was tender and sore after, but during work I was okay (nursing is such that you just continue on through the pain and discomfort).

 

Sigh... I am really tired.

 

Later...

So Tai had her birthday party this weekend.  We had originally wanted to do a pool party on Saturday (today) but things didn't really work out so well.  I had to work nights (Tuesday to Thursday), and Jeremy worked today (Saturday).  I wanted to handle four children with some kind of help.  I knew my mom was going to be around, but swimming with four to seven rambunctious girls wasn't really something I had wanted to do, in all honesty.  I liked teaching swimming and lifeguarding back in the day.  But... with a back injury and a lot of pain most recently on top of being tired and cranky from working night shift... I wanted it to happen on Friday.  So I worked all night Thursday and had a short sleep for most of Friday morning.  Jeremy joined me on the couch to nap... it was delish (as every morning this week was).  Then we got up and decided to get the Spongebob cake all iced up and ready to roll.  It took us about two hours to get the cake done, but it turned out really great! 

 

Then we decided to go and pick up Tai a gift.  I didn't know where to start - she has too much junk for toys, tons of books and art supplies, and far too many clothes.  So, we jaunted over to Chapters to see what was happening.  I figured it was a close walk to WalMart if I couldn't find anything.  I ended up getting Tai a magic kit and a Spongebob book in French.  I knew she was getting a few other cool things... including some silks and material pieces from Jazzy Jax, a fleece po' boy hat, some paint canvas, and a few other girly items.  She liked all of her gifts. 

 

We had an unexpected event right before the party started.  Jeremy's beagle Bootsy escaped from our house when the first set of guests arrived.  My mom was here cleaning up, Jeremy was at Safeway and I was picking up the other kids from daycare.  I came home to see everyone frantic about Bootsy!!  I called Jeremy and he must have dropped his whole load of groceries before even leaving Safeway... and he was very distraught.  Everyone drove around the neighborhood but it was obvious she was "gone".  She follows her nose... and the poor dog has no sense of direction when she's sniffing.  If you pursue her, she only runs faster and farther away.  Of course we were all worried... she doesn't know the neighborhood enough to "come home" and there is no doubt that Boots would run too far from home anyway.  I called the humane society after hours number and some kind soul took my name, the dogs name, and a description of where she was last seen running (towards Albert Street).

 

Anyway... it was a downer but eventually the kids and the birthday part had to go on.  We had a craft hour, then went on a scavenger hunt.  The kids LOVED the scavenger hunt, although in retrospect I think we'll make sure to have some hand sanitizer handy for those "I think I see a bug in this mud puddle... LETS SPLASH AROUND!!" or at least something to clean the kids up with... but Tai and her friends had a great time looking for lady bugs and worms and pop bottles.  It makes you pay a whole lot of attention to how much trash is in your neighborhood.  We picked up a few things and put them into the garbage on our walk.

 

After that was cake and ice cream... and then hours upon hours of playing and bouncing around.  It was a good thing Jeremy was there... even though he escaped for an hour or two to walk around looking for the dawg (and I had a nap while the girls watched Night at the Museum).  The girls stayed up until about 1:00 in the morning arguing over who got to sleep in the bed.  Eventually all four of them cuddled into Tai's daybed.  It was cute... but I'm sure it didn't help them get a good sleep.  They woke up at around 7.

 

While we were cleaning up the disaster that was my house, we got a call that somebody had found Bootsy walking around downtown and picked her up for the night.  They tracked Jeremy down by calling the vet in Weyburn and then Jeremy's parents.  Thank God... poor Bootsy was doomed to be on the lam for a lot longer than she was. 

 

I talked to my dad today. Uneventful, but I think he's going to contribute to our booze fund for the wedding.  Something, at least.

 

Bought a lawn mower today.  My yard looks 1000000000000 times better.  Tomorrow I might pick up my bedding plants.

 

Other than that, not much else is new.  I am going to be pulled out of work (most likely) in the next few days for some active rehab for my back.  Eventually I'll go for an MRI.  I've had this foot cramp for more than a week now.  It's quite painful to walk on it.  But I continue on... I'm getting somewhat used to being in pain.  I've almost completely avoided taking medication for it, even though I still hurt.  Hopefully the MRI results show good things and I can continue on with life.

 

My position was extended for six more months, although I am going to see if I can find something else and maybe go casual at my current job.  I was offered an interview for working at the jail, but unfortunately for me they scheduled it on Thursday.  Their original email said "Friday, May 31" so I had just assumed (being sleep deprived) that the interview was on Friday... so I missed my chance on Thursday.  Hopefully they will reschedule and I'll get a chance to prove myself again.  It's more or less for the experience of the interview as well as a look at another side of nursing.  Maybe the benefits will be better, or the hours... and I can live a somewhat normal existence.

 

Jeremy got a job in Regina... so in a few weeks we'll be cohabitating and he'll be off on the weekends!!!  I like the prospect of seeing him more, and having some normalcy in life.  I'm looking forward to him coming.  Being alone is no fun... even though he's here most of the time anyway.  I really miss having someone around to help make a mess ;).  Plus he's a wonderful cook, a natural at being a dad... I'd say he's pretty good at his job even though he's come into this with a young child who's been let down so many times by men in her life. 

 

Anyway... I got home from Mosaic a while ago.  Went with a lady from work and my mom.  It was nice to trash talk work and men (the crappy ones, anyway) and have a beer.  I ate Uke food... was craving perogies and cabbage rolls anyway.  Also had a Guiness and some Irish Whiskey cake.  Yummmm!!!!!

 

Cheers, and peace.

Come one, come all... tons of things going on this evening and every evening this week.  Tai and I are going to try and catch a few things at least.  I'm excited for Friday and Saturday, as usual. 

 

I think today might be the day I learn how to tye dye....  or whatever.  I might be making my table cloth for the wedding, rather ten of them.

 

I'm still waiting for that stupid hard drive.

 

Anyhoo... it was a good weekend.  Jeremy and I had supper with his family at Michelle's place.  Tai enjoyed herself this weekend.  She even got to ride in a real fire truck.  Lucky girl!!  We all did (Jeremy and I)... it was fun.

 

I actually watched A Wedding Story for the first time in probably six years.  I used to watch all of those "baby story" and whatever else was on TLC when I was home with Tai for those first few months.  Then I stopped, because watching birthing babies and happy couples really didn't appeal to me anymore.  The odd time I might flip to the channel but I never seemed to really care.  Maybe now that I'm starting to have a possibility of infants and weddings in my future (wedding being much more of a possibility right now than infants are).... gah.  Anyway, it was so sickly sweet and mushy... I don't think I can handle being the mushy tearful bride that gets a carriage ride and has her daddy walk her down the isle.  I'd be surprised if my dad even talks to me let alone cries when he lets me go to my new husband.  In fact... I'll even be surprised if he shows up. 

 

Not that any of it matters.  It's just another day, in the whole scheme of things the sun will rise and set whether I have tule on my dress or not.  Anyone who knows me as I am or as I was knows that weddings and all of this are less than exciting.

 

What I am excited about is making table cloth.

 

Bye!!!

It's been a long long time since I've blogged from this desktop computer.  Basically I turned it into kind of a lap top - brought it into the living room and moved a chair real close to the screen.  I'm surprised it's even working!!!  But that's cool.

 

So my hard drive basically blew up on Thursday night.  No flames... but the blue screen of death has appeared.  Sucks to be me.  But luckily Dell says it's okay and is sending me a new one.  That makes me happy.  But I'm still sad that I lost my entire life on my laptop because of a few bad O's and 1's.

 

On the WCB front, I'm officially okay to return to work.  Sucks.  But I seen five different professionals and the consensus is that I shouldn't have been working and that I need an MRI.  I am hoping that happens in the next month before my position is up.  In the meantime... it's time to apply like crazy for whatever jobs I can.

 

I made some "special" Mars cake.  Mmmmmmm Mars.

 

Anyway.... CATHEDRAL ARTS FEST NEXT WEEKEND!!!  I think there may be an open jam here at some point, so come one, come all, and for gosh sakes bring an instrument.

 

I'm also doing to be doing dreadlocking on my lawn, for an interested party.  Some girl off the street offered to be my free model for the day, but I haven't heard from her for a week and some... so we'll see if she shows up.

 

So... here's to a week off.  Cheers.

I had the best weekend... I have to gloat.  Sorry.  Went out on Friday with a friend from work and we downed a bottle of wine at the Crushed Grape.  Sometimes you just gotta hook up with a gal from work and complain endlessly about work things.  Or just talk about life outside of work, which is fun too.  I don't have a lot of people outside of family who I can do that with.  So it's nice.  I don't like the wine hang over particularly, but it wasn't terribly bad.  Jeremy came up after he was done work and we watched Nacho Libre.  Well.... he watched and I slept, but you get the idea.

 

Saturday was kind of a down day.  Didn't feel well, and Tai had a play date for most of the day.  I attempted to make supper but my cooking was just completely off.  I was getting to a breaking point...  and eventually I found myself headed for a hot bubble bath and some candles and some down time.  We were supposed to go to Weyburn, but in the end I'm especially glad I didn't go.  It's not that I don't want to socialize... the day just wasn't headed in that direction.  I've kind of lost my will to get down and party it up on the weekends, especially when most of the week is spent working and getting things done at home.  Anyway.. the night ended when I got my engagement ring!!!  For reals!!  (sorry... female side interlude there).  It's a blue topaz (my birthstone) with small diamonds on the side and a square setting.  It's fine, because I'm a huge HUGE square in real life.

 

Sunday was good too... I got breakfast in bed.  I realized that I have never been showered in attention on mothers day, and I've been a mom for seven years now.  Every year I get a card or a little something for my mom, or I would at least phone her or hug her the next time I seen her.  She knew that some days were better than others... and I think she values our closeness now over any gift.  Anyway, the breakfast in bed was absolutely devine.  Tai got me a card and some Skittles.  I shared.

 

The end of the weekends are always kind of bittersweet.  They sneak up when I least expect it.  So it's tough getting to sleep on Sundays or the day Jeremy goes back to Weyburn.  I can't explain this deep comfort I have though... it's not like in the past, where it was more of an anxiety when the man left than it was anything else.  Besides, I know where things are going now.  It's not just some dude hanging out and seeing where things go eventually, or some guy professing his love so I don't leave him... it's a mutual understanding that we're going to be together.  I think that's all that a marriage or long term relationship really needs to grow and thrive.  The "wait and see" prophecy isn't always a faithful standby.  Although I have no issue with people who don't marry and carry on with life together.  I think that would be just as valuable to me.  Which is why this whole wedding business is plain, simple, and pretty much all organized.  Now it's just a matter of turning on my feminine side to pick out table cloths and such.  It's gonna more or less be a whole lotta tye died table clothes and a giant houka at some undisclosed location (maybe).

 

I worked ten hours today.  It didn't spank me as much as I thought it would originally.  I had full intentions of finding a wheeling office chair to finish my shift in if need be.  But it turned out that my legs continued walking with the same amount of pain at ten in the morning as they did at six at night.  If you can call walking being semi-hobbling and without reminder twinges of pain going down the legs. 

 

Here's a little one for all of you.... what would you do if?  Comment if you want...

 

What would you do if... your dog was dying, hasn't eaten in weeks, makes a mess all over the house, bites people...

 

NOW

 

What would you do if.... your grand mother or a family member was doing the same?  Assuming with both scenarios of course that the illness was becoming untreatable without a huge cost to that family member/dog.

 

Think about it... some people love their pets even more than their human loved ones, yet make drastically different choices.

 

It's kind of sad.. I've lost pets to old age and sudden illness as well as family members.  Dignity was always a priority... although it's never easy to watch a family member who you've had 25 years of life with.

 

Anyway... it's kind of an interesting question to some, and to others it's pretty cut and dry.

 

There's never a big enough pasture or a loaded enough gun to answer this question, is there.

Crazy few days... I finally cleaned out the basement at the Toronto street house of all of my junk.  Much to the dislike of my back muscles.  I'm paying for it tonight!!

 

Today is one of those good days to be an emo.  So dark and yucky outside.  In the emo spirit... I have lots to complain about.  Mainly that I had kind of a harsh day at work.  A few months ago I would have said I feel completely incompetent at the art of acute care nursing.  I feel like I was keeping things together today... even though I wasn't working on my own team or taking complete charge of things.  I just feel like the RN I worked with (who was as new as me) benefited from having me there.  I never would have thought that I could be of service to anyone else and if not that then a pain in the butt.  In my crazy acts of helping out I made a little mistake and got into a bit of crap.  But I covered up for several mistakes that others were making without reporting them.  I had always said to myself that I would report everything that everyone else did wrong.  But I don't.  Then I get nailed.  It's disconcerting, disenheartening... makes me feel like I'm really not important to anyone.

 

On the flip side, I had a little sad moment this morning that I really can't blog about in certain terms.  Much of my job is dealing with death, as we get a lot of palliative patients as well as very sick patients on our unit.  It's sad... some family is always losing a member, a life ends in a hospital bed.  It seems unfair I guess that people leave the world without the ability to physically fight their illness but at the same time it seems inhumane to keep people around for more years of misery.  Medicine can keep people alive if we really really want it to.  But who wants their granny to live with constant IV pokes, tube feeding, and machines to breathe for them?  Who wants to be suffering through the pain of cancer pressing on all of their insides.  Who wants to be hundreds of pounds over weight and dealing with the daily stigma... or mentally ill, or demented.  It's really no life to be laying in an acute care facility these days and dealing with an illness on top of short staff.

 

I also was pondering how someone can be cold and uncaring while being entirely intelligent... Matt and I have many discussions about emotional intelligence.  We may not be the best nurses when it comes to speed of service or critical thinking.  But we can talk to people and smile while we're cleaning up large amounts of poop.  I had a patient tell me today that I was so nice to her and gentle - I didn't throw her over onto her side and wipe her ass with a hard scrub.  She almost cried... she apologized for being full of poop.  I think there are people who actually make patients feel bad for messing their bed.  Like heaven for bid I have to go in there and change the entire bed when it's my coffee break (I'm being sarcastic of course).  It makes me feel like a complete incompetent for not signing for a medication, but a completely valuable person for being gentle while cleaning up a bum. 

 

There really is no answer.  I think I'll just keep working on the intelligence thing and my mad IV starting skills while trying to be sensitive to the needs of my clients.  Maybe in a few years I'll work my way past my personal dissonance and get to be an expert nurse.  Maybe I'll never work as a nurse again and just go back to school.  Perhaps I'll work at Safeway.  Who knows.